Ep 40. The ONE Simple Tool That Gets Rid of Sleep Anxiety

Is there anything worse than watching the clock tick by hour by hour while not being able to sleep?

I don’t think so.

Time caused me a tremendous amount of suffering when I was going through insomnia because I put a timeline on literally everything related to sleep.

My goal with this podcast is to inspire you to think about time differently.

Because time and sleep just aren’t a great mix any way you slice it.

Tune in to hear:

• How the Greeks think about time (and how it can help us)
• Why sleep is so hard to describe
• The number #1 behavioral tool to get rid of time anxiety
• The top 3 questions people ask me about time

Wishing you many awe-inspiring moments that exist beyond the constraints of time.

Enjoy!


Links and Resources:

Episode 24: Is Trust the Antidote to Insomnia?

Connect with Beth Kendall:

👉 Instagram

Work with Beth Kendall:

👉 Start the Free Insomnia Course

👉 Learn About the Mentorship

Full Transcript Below

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About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP:

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.® has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights.

 

DISCLAIMER: The podcasts available on this website have been produced for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. The contents of this podcast do not constitute medical or professional advice. No person listening to and/or viewing any podcast from this website should act or refrain from acting on the basis of the content of a podcast without first seeking appropriate professional advice and/or counseling, nor shall the information be used as a substitute for professional advice and/or counseling. The Mind. Body. Sleep. Podcast expressly disclaims any and all liability relating to any actions taken or not taken based on any or all contents of this site as there are no assurance as to any particular outcome.

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

How Breaking Free From Time Can Help You Overcome Insomnia

 

Hello everyone, welcome back to the podcast. This is episode 40, I can’t believe it. I’m so happy to be with you today. This week, I’m talking all about the concept of time and how it pertains to insomnia. So, this is the perfect podcast for anyone who feels stressed out by time when they can’t sleep. It’s for the person who is really good at doing sleep math and crunching numbers in the middle of the night. If you feel more and more pressure to sleep as you watch time tick on throughout the night, I’m going to give you a tool today that can help with all of that.

 

Understanding Time's Impact on Sleep Anxiety

 

One of the biggest things I took away from my experience with insomnia was a deeper understanding of time. If you're familiar with my work, then you know I love exploring the big ideas around how we create meaning in our lives, and my relationship with time certainly did provide me with the opportunity to do just that. So today, I want to share how insomnia can change the way we think about time—and what we can do to stop time from feeling like a trap when we can't sleep.

 

To give you a bit of a roadmap today, I’m going to first share a little Greek mythology with you that I think illustrates a concept of time so beautifully. Then I’m going to walk you through one the best behavioral tools you can possibly use to quiet some of the layers of anxiety that come with not being able to sleep at night. And finally, I’ll answer a few of the most common questions people ask me about time.

 

Exploring Greek Concepts of Time: Chronos and Kairos

 

So the Greeks think about time in two ways. The first form of time is what they call Chronos, and this is the kind of time that basically makes the world go around. It’s a linear form of time, so it’ fixed - a second equals the same as every other second.  A minute lasts as long as every other minute. It’s mechanized time and it’s what allows 8 billion people to live on the planet without total chaos. We need Chronos and this kind of quantitative consensus about time so we can travel and make appointments and just coordinate our lives.

 

But…. there is another form of time that the Greeks call Kairos.

 

And Kairos could be described as a more qualitative form of time. It’s the kind of time that is outside of mechanized time - a sort of timelessness.  Kairos is the flow state that you’ve heard me talk about in past episodes. It’s when you’re in a state of awe or curiosity. It’s the falling love state where time doesn’t seem to have much rhyme or reason at all. Kairos time is when time stops and everything seems possible, so it’s the moments that stand out from the linear flow of time.

 

How Time Relates to Insomnia

 

Now, I share this story about Chronos and Kairos because I see time leading to a lot of suffering and rumination in the world of insomnia. And I’m no stranger to this suffering because time caused me a lot of angst in a lot of ways especially when I was going through insomnia.

 

The Behavioral Tool: Going Timeless

 

One of the things I recommend in the mentorship is detaching yourself from time as much as possible at night. So basically, just throwing out the clocks. And there are two big reasons I like this behavioral tool, so let me share those with you.

 

Why It Works: Two Big Reasons

 

Reason #1: Tangible Action to Reduce Pressure

 

The first reason I like this tool is because it’s so tangible, right? It’s like low-hanging fruit. It’s something you can actually DO versus some of the less tangible aspects of recovery which revolve more around awareness and understanding.

 

And as I mentioned, I view time as a sort of trap when you’re going through insomnia. Well, truth be told, I view time as a big component   in many of the diseases of despair because it creates so much monitoring and anxiousness and hypervigilance to the point where you become stuck in time. So, you’re not just worried about the future and you’re not just ruminating on the past, you’re actually anguished by the next moment and the constant monitoring of your own physiology.  

So, it creates this sort of stuckness.

Time causes us to hold on instead of let go. We get in this state of hyperrigidity and analysis. And it’s almost impossible NOT to do sleep math when you’re focused on time because that’s just what our brains do:

I would put all kinds of unintentional pressure on myself by calculating how much sleep I could get if I fell asleep by a certain time. And then I’d stress over how I was going to get through the next day based on those numbers, which usually involved multiple different scenarios.

 

So all of this was ramping up hyperarousal and creating some pretty high stakes in my mind about sleep which I didn’t realize at the time.

 

So, the first reason I like the idea of going timeless is because it fulfills our natural desire to DO. We like to know what we can DO, and this easy tool is something that falls nicely into that category and has a lot of bang for its buck in terms of shaking off some of the pressure.

 

Reason #2: Trusting the Natural Process of Sleep

 

The second big reason I like the idea of going timeless and the most important one in my view is that it implies a certain amount of trust.

 

Trust in a big part of my approach and if you want to hear more on that, you can go back to Ep. 24 which is called: “Is Trust the Antidote to Insomnia?” I personally consider that episode to be the most meaningful one I’ve done so far so do check that out.

 

But here’s the thing about sleep, you guys, it happens outside of time. It’s a surrender process. A letting go process. It happens on Kairos time.

 

The Industrial Revolution's Impact on Sleep

 

I love the way Rubin Naiman writes about sleep, he says:

 

“The Industrial Revolution radically transformed our perception of sleep from a gracious, transcendent experience to a mechanistic, biomedical process.”

 

His use of the world transcendent is so lovely because sleep is such a hard thing to describe. No one really knows how to explain it because it exists beyond a state of language, right. He also says:

 

“Like a wild thing, sleep was lured from its home in nature and domesticated in service of industrial life. And today, like a pet, sleep is fenced in, caged or corralled. We constrict sleep with delayed bedtimes and advanced rising times policed by a mechanistic alarm clock. Would we consider setting an alarm to truncate other natural human experiences? Imagine setting an alarm to limit time spent enjoying a meal or making love.”

I just love this view so much because it speaks to how time can hijack our innate sense of knowing – it turns us into machines versus just a part of natural world. Every up has a down. Every day has a night. Every light has a dark. Every wake has a sleep.

 

Freeing Sleep From the Constraints of Time

 

I don’t think sleep is meant to be ruled by time. And with insomnia, we becomes stuck in time instead of free of time. Sleep comes in the space where we’re not fixated on time in such a pressure-filled way.

 

So, getting rid of the clocks is a good way to liberate yourself from a lot of unhelpful narratives around sleep and you might find that you just really like having a part of your day that isn’t centered on time. I personally still go timeless. I have a battery powered clock by my bed and once I got out of the habit of checking the time at night, I became less sensitized to time and all the ways it could affect my sleep.

 

Common Questions About Going Timeless

 

Question #1: Do I have to go timeless to overcome insomnia?

 

Okay, so there are a couple of questions that I get about time that may be helpful to talk about. The first one is: Do I have to go timeless to recover from insomnia?

 

And the answer is no, you definitely do not. I didn’t go timeless until the tail end of my recovery and everything in my approach is a recommendation versus a requirement.  I think these kinds of tools are best implemented when you really want to do them versus feeling like you have to do them. Because then we’re stepping off the hamster wheel of doing things to fix sleep and it’s coming from a much more intrinsic place.

 

My goal with this podcast is to offer a different perception of time and inspire you to look at timelessness through a new set of eyes. Because who doesn’t need a little more Kairos in their lives, right?

 

But ultimately, it’s always up to you and I think your intuition and inner guidance system can be an excellent way to know if something is right.

 

Question #2: How can I go timeless when it feels so scary?

 

Now, the other question I get is: How can I go timeless when it feels so scary? So this is someone who wants to go timeless but is feeling a lot of uncertainty or loss of control at the prospect of letting go of time.

 

And this is so normal and so common.

 

Whenever we approach something like this, I like to say use courage without pressure. And this can actually be a great opportunity to figure out some of the underlying beliefs you might have about sleep that are creating a fear of going timeless.

 

You can just grab a pen and paper and finish this sentence by writing down your answers: It’s important to check the time at night because:_________________. So finish that sentence then look at what you wrote and ask yourself two questions:

Is it helpful?

Is it true?

 

Question #3: What if I have to look at the time sometimes during the night?

 

The last most common question I get is: What if I have to look at the time sometimes during the night? And you guys, this is totally okay. It’s a tool versus a rule and I think sometimes just for practical purposes, it makes sense to look at the time and it’s not a problem. We’re not going for perfection here.  

 

I hope this episode on time was a helpful one. Please do consider leaving a rating for the podcast, that helps me out so much. Wishing you all many moments of Kairos in your lives. I’m Beth Kendall and this is the Mind. Body. Sleep. podcast. Bye for now…