Ep 36. David Goggins and Getting Through the Speed Bumps

If you’ve ever been through the disheartening experience of sleeping better for a while, only to fall “back” into insomnia, this one’s for you.


Today I’m talking all about speed bumps.


And I’m doing it through the lens of David Goggins.


Because here's the thing about speed bumps … they’re normal.


Not only are they normal, but they’re necessary.


We can’t really recover without them.


Tune in to hear:

• Why speed bumps are an important part of the process
  
  
• Some of the sneaky thoughts that like to creep in during these times
  
  
• The number one thing to remember when you’re in a speed bump
  
  
• Where the REAL battle lies
  
  
• Why NOT trying to break the cycle is what breaks the cycle
  
  

Speed bumps aren’t a sign that something has gone wrong. They’re a sign that things are going right.


Enjoy!


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Full Transcription Below:


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About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP: 

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.™ has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights. 

© 2023 - 2024 Beth Kendall

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

How to Get Through Speed Bumps During Insomnia 

 

Hello, my friends and welcome. It’s so good to be with you on the podcast today.

 

Journey from Insomnia to Sleep Coach

 

My name is Beth. I’m a holistic sleep coach. And I help people with insomnia get beyond the fear of not sleeping so they can live their lives and trust their own ability to sleep again. You know, it’s funny because I never would have guessed at any point in my life that I would become a sleep coach. Probably because for most of my life, I HAD insomnia and honestly, I had gotten to the point where I didn’t think there was anything that was ever really going to be able to help me out of that, so I guess it’s no wonder that I never thought I would be a sleep coach.  But it’s all really fitting because as much as I’ve tried to plan and predict the course of my own life, it seems like there’s always some sort of curveball that comes my way and points me in an entirely different direction, which is actually kind of fun and I’ve gotten really good at switching gears. And, I guess in hindsight, it actually makes a lot of sense that I became a sleep coach given my personal experience with insomnia do often feel a little surprised to be sitting down to record a podcast about sleep, go figure.

 

The Power of Curiosity and the Human Mind

 

One thing I really love about this work is it speaks to what is probably the driving force of my existence which is: curiosity. I’ve always had this intense curiosity around the metaphysical and consciousness and the human mind. And nothing has shown me the power of my own mind more than insomnia.

 

 It’s that deep interest in the human mind and transcending different states of consciousness that’s made me SO fascinated with David Goggins.

 

Discovering David Goggins

 

Now, if you don’t know who David Goggins, is, no worries, I had never heard of him either until just recently. And apparently, I was one of the last people on the planet to learn about him because so many people do seem to know who he is. I’d be asking people, have you heard of this guy David Goggins? And they’d be like, “oh yeah, David Goggins, sure,” like it’s just common knowledge.

 

But David  Goggins is a retired Navy Seal who is known both both for his life story, which was really difficult and his accomplishments as an endurance athlete. And let me tell you, what he’s accomplished is no joke and almost beyond the comprehension of what a human being could actually endure. Which is why I’m so fascinated by him because he's had to transcend his own mind and the beliefs and limitations of his own mind many times over to do what he’s done.

 

Which on some level, is what we do to get beyond insomnia. Over time, we just don’t believe what the fear is telling us so much anymore. And I’ll talk more about that later in the podcast.

 

Speed Bumps: Learning to Navigate the Rough Patches

 

But I ended up reading his first book called Can’t Hurt Me, which honestly changed my life and thinking in a lot of ways, it’s a great book. But my very FIRST introduction to David Goggins was this Instagram reel that I just happened to stumble on, and it was actually that reel that became the inspiration for this podcast which is all about getting through the rough patches.

 

And in true David Goggins fashion, there were quite a few F bombs in that reel, so I’m not going to post it in the shownotes. But somehow David Goggins makes dropping the F bomb every other word sound so natural, and honestly the guy is about as authentic as it gets, so good for him for saying whatever he wants to say in the way he wants to say it. But there’s a really good interview with him on the Huberman podcast if you want to check that out.

 

The basic premise of that reel was that he had to learn how to fail in order to succeed. And I don’t think of anything having to do with sleep in terms of: pass/fail, win/lose, good/bad. Because assigning labels to what is essentially a passive process isn’t going to be helpful. But I do know that in order to reach mental freedom from insomnia, you are most likely going to go through some choppy sleep to get there, and that’s completely normal. I feel like the best way that I can be of service to you is to be honest about what the process of leaving insomnia really looks like and give you tools and education to help you move through that.

 

But setting the stage and knowing ahead of time what’s realistic in terms of the recovery will help you so much. Like David Goggins said, the FIRST part of his success was learning how to fail properly. And I really resonated with this. Because we spend so much time in our culture teaching and encouraging people to be successful without teaching them how to fall down first. And the truth is most things worth doing require some level of frustration or disappointment and figuring yourself out. I think what made my own journey out of insomnia such a mentally freeing one in spite of NOT having better sleep for quite some time was that I never expected it to be easy. And I never expected it to be fast. I didn’t have much expectation at all because there wasn’t much to go on back then in terms of content or recovery stories. But on some level, I was okay with the up and down nature of it because anything I’ve ever done in my life that was really meaningful required falling down and getting up several times along the way.

 

It's just a part of the territory when you’re overcoming a fear whether it’s a fear of not sleeping, or a fear of flying, or doing the thing you really want to do. We live in a world of duality so we can’t have easy without hard. We can’t have joy without sorrow. Overcoming insomnia is about understanding your own mind and becoming less attached to what it’s telling you. And insomnia HAS to be the perfect vehicle to learn that, especially during the speed bumps.

 

Today I’m going to talk about speed bumps. First, I’m going to talk about what they are and then I’m going to dive into 3 key things to keep in mind when you’re going through them .

 

What Are Speed Bumps?

 

Okay, so what is a speed bump? A speed bump is simply a reactivation of fear after sleeping better for a while. Sometimes in the mind-body world, especially the in area of chronic pain, people will refer to this as a setback, which I’m not a super fan of because I don’t view it as a setback, in fact I view it as a step forward. I also don’t like the word “relapse” because it implies that insomnia is some sort of disease, which I also don’t believe. So, I use the words speed bump, or wobble, or choppy sleep.

 

So, let’s talk about the first key point…

 

Speed Bumps Are Not Your Fault

 

The first thing to remember about speed bumps is they’re not your fault. When choppy sleep hits, especially after a good stretch, your brain is going to jump right to the conclusion that you’ve done something wrong. It’s going to start problem-solving and looking for all the things you did or didn’t do that could have caused some bad sleep. You’re going to think, “was it because I was on my phone too long,” “was it because I ate too late,” “was it because I went out with my friends,” “was it because I thought the wrong thing.” But you did nothing wrong to cause the speed bump, my friends, they just happen and that’s completely normal.

 

Another story our brains love to tell us during a speed bump is that insomnia is "back," or you’re back to square one, and everything you’ve learned has been lost. But this one also isn’t true because you can’t unlearn the knowledge you’ve gained about insomnia. And insomnia isn’t back, per say —your ability to sleep is still intact. What you’re experiencing is the reappearance of some hyperarousal, which is a good thing because that’s how we work through it.

 

David Goggins talks a lot about how the only REAL battle he’s ever been in is the one within his own mind. And I think this holds true for insomnia as well because insomnia isn’t some external force that’s happening to us; it’s something we unintentionally create within. So, the only really struggle is within ourselves, which is why self-compassion is such a crucial part of the rewiring process.

Seeing speed bumps as a part of the path versus a personal failing will help you out so much.

 

Speed Bumps Are Opportunities 

 

The second key point I want to make about speed bumps is that they truly are opportunities. I know that for any of you out there currently in a speed bump, this definitely does not feel like the case. And I totally get that. But the BEST time to rewire the brain is when you’re experiencing whatever it is you don’t want — this is the best time teach it something new.

 

If you’re trying to train a dog how to walk on a leash, the best time to do that is when they’re walking on a leash, not when they’re sleeping in their dog bed.

 

Let the speed bumps be beneficial to you in some way. If you’re willing to go through them, they’ll offer you whatever layer of the onion is ready to come off. Speed bumps almost always end with a greater sense of clarity.

 

Like David Goggins says we can’t have the breakthrough without the obstacle.

 

One of the thoughts I had during my recovery process was that I’m either sleeping, or I’m rewiring. So both of these were okay to me. If I was sleeping, great. If I wasn’t sleeping, okay. At least I was rewiring my brain, which I knew I was because I was trusting my own process.

 

Don't Try to Avoid Speed Bumps

 

The last thing I want to offer about speed bumps is this: don’t try to avoid them. Trying to avoid them is what keeps us stuck to them. There’s an understandable tendency when you’re sleeping better to want to protect that. But what we’re really telling the brain with this attempt is that sleep is really fragile, and we’ve got to do everything possible to hold on to it. And it’s really the belief system underneath that intention that we’re looking to uncover. “Oh, isn’t it interesting that my brain thinks I’ve got to protect my sleep or try to control this whole thing in any way.”

 

Sleep is just sleep — there’s nothing you need to do or be. Speed bumps help us shine a light on some of the ways we’re thinking about sleep, and they’re actually in service of our long-term recovery. But if we go right back into fix-it mode when a speed bump hits, we’re just continuing in the same orientation we’re trying to get free from.

Trying to control a speed bump is like trying to control the weather. We can’t control the storm, but we can decide how we want to support ourselves through the process. Move through the storm in a way that feels kind and supportive for you and just let the speed bump pass. Because just like the weather, it always does.

 

I hope you found you’ve found this podcast on speed bumps helpful. Please do consider leaving a rating or review for the podcast, that helps me out a lot. And you find yourself going down the David Goggins rabbit hole, enjoy. But remember that suffering is not required to recover from insomnia. And while I think if there was any one person on the planet who COULD possibly control sleep, it would probably be David Goggins, I’m guessing even he gives himself permission to just allow sleep to come to him.

 

That’s all for today. Until next time, I’m Beth Kendall and you’ve been listening to the Mind. Body. Sleep. podcast. Bye for now…