Ep 54. How to Overcome Doubt and Keep Moving Forward

Doubt is something every single person on the insomnia recovery path deals with, and I was no exception.

In this episode, we take a deeper look at what doubt really is, why it feels so powerful, and how to shift your relationship with it so it no longer holds you back.

Come with me and learn:

1. What’s actually driving doubt (hint: safety!), and why it’s a normal part of the human experience.

2. The two kinds of doubt, and why only one of them is worth giving your attention to.

3. The exact same step-by-step process I use with my clients to help them uncover whatever story is driving their doubt. 

Recovery isn’t about eliminating doubt. It’s about changing how you relate to it… and living your life anyway 🧡

Mentioned Resources: 

Ep 1: Redefining Insomnia
Ep 16: Using Indifference to Overcome Sleep Anxiety
Ep 18: Insomnia and the Perceived Danger Connection
Ep 30: The #1 Tool for Insomnia Recovery
Ep 35: Sleep Efforts and Why They Matter
Ep 52: What Traditional Advice Gets Wrong About Insomnia

Journal Prompt: I have the doubt that ______________. And I believe that because ____________. 

Connect With Beth:

👉 Instagram

Work with Beth:

👉 Learn About the Mentorship
👉 Start the Free Insomnia Course

Full transcript below.

About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP:

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.® has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights.

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

How to Get Beyond Doubt During Recovery

Hello everyone, and welcome back to the podcast. My name is Beth, I’m a sleep coach for people with insomnia, and I’m so glad you’re here with me today.

In this episode, I want to talk about something that every single one of us encounters at some point on this path, and that is doubt.

Doubt about your progress. Doubt about the process. Doubt that you’ll ever sleep normally again.

We have ALL been there which is why today, I’m going to dive deep into what doubt actually is, why it feels so powerful, and how we can work with it in a constructive way that keeps you moving forward.

The Mind-Body Framework Behind Insomnia

But before we get going... I want to take a moment to explain how I approach insomnia — especially for anyone who might be new to the podcast. Because understanding this framework will help everything else I share today make a lot more sense.

I see insomnia primarily as a learned fear of not sleeping. You might hear me call it sleep anxiety, conditioned arousal, or just plain ol’ hyperarousal — but they all point to the same thing: which is this mind-body loop that’s running on repeat and creates a hypersensitivity to anything that might affect sleep.

So it’s not just about sleep itself. It’s about the stress response that’s turning on in the brain as a result of a fear-based relationship with sleep.

If you want to learn more about my approach, I’ll link a few key episodes up for you in the show notes.

Why Doubt Feels So Powerful

Okay — so with that context in place, let’s get back to today’s topic which again, is all about Doubt.

If you’ve been struggling with insomnia for a while, you’ve probably felt moments of hope, followed by sudden feelings of: “What if...?”

“What if this won’t work for me?”

“What if my brain is too broken?”

“What if I’m the one person who can’t be helped?”

All completely normal thoughts, and I’d be very surprised if you didn’t have doubts, because it’s just one of the ways our brain tries to keep us safe.

I have lots of doubts about a lot of things.

But ongoing doubt, while totally normal, can also play a role in the recovery process because it quietly feeds the fear of not sleeping, right. When we get swept up in a lot of doubt over and over, the message back to the brain is that there is danger.

How Doubt Triggers the Stress Response

Doubt also tends to spark a tremendous amount of frustration which is another way our fight-or-flight system goes into action. There’s the flight mode which is running from the fear, and then there’s the “fight” mode which can show up as frustration or anger which can also feed the cycle.

Doubt also tends to come with a lot of guilt or shame because maybe you think everyone else is getting it, and you’re missing something, and they’re able to accept things so much easier, and they’re getting better faster, and there’s something fundamentally wrong with you that you’re having these doubts. Which can add another whole layer of pressure on to the situation.

Doubt is a Signal, Not a Truth

But here’s the thing, you guys:

Doubt is a signal but it’s not a truth 🧡

When we’re feeling doubt, it’s generally rooted in fear and doubt is just one of the many disguises that fear likes to take when it’s trying to get your attention and alert you to what it perceives as dangerous. If you were to think back over the course of your life, and all the things you’ve done, you probably had some doubts along the way, especially when it was something new or unfamiliar.

That’s just a sign of a fully working brain.

Two Types of Doubt

Let’s simplify doubt into two categories, because not all doubt is the same.

1. Solvable Doubt

Solvable Doubt: the kind of doubt that just needs more information. It’s fixable and answerable which makes it a lot more tangible.

(Example: *What if I have sleep apnea?→ This is the kind of doubt that you can solve because you can get a sleep study and find that out.)

Whenever there’s a solvable doubt at play, I always recommend getting it figured out. Because just crossing something off the list can give you a lot of peace of mind and allow you to keep moving forward.

I think one of the reasons I so readily accepted that insomnia was a mind-body condition at the time that I did was because I had already checked everything off the list multiple times. I had done all the tests and studies and basically tried everything. So, with a solvable doubt, you just need more information.

2. Unsolvable Doubt

Unsolvable Doubt– these are the kinds of doubt that can’t be resolved through more information, or any concrete action. And this is the kind of doubt I’m going to focus on today because it’s the kind of doubt that keeps us spinning our wheels.

(Example: What if I never recover? or What if there’s something different about me? )

Most people get stuck trying to “solve” unsolvable doubts as if they were solvable. We start looking for certainty around a doubt that is based strictly in possibility.

There’s no test or body of information that can provide absolute certainty for this kind of doubt because there’s a certain amount of uncertainty inherent within the question.

Trying to solve an unsolvable doubt is kind of like trying to catch fog. The more you chase it, the more it slips through your fingers — and the more anxious you feel.

A 4-Step Process for Working With Doubt

Okay, so how do we work with this? Well, let’s talk about that…

I’m going to walk you through a 4 step process I often use with my clients that will hopefully help you relate to doubt a little differently.

So, let’s say the doubt is: What if I never sleep normally again?

Pretty common doubt.

Step 1: Notice the Doubt

The first thing you want to do is just notice the doubt. Notice the doubt without trying to fix it or solve it. So no Googling. No reassurance seeking. Because remember, no amount of information is going to solve an unsolvable doubt. When we start going down the rabbit hole of trying to solve the unsolvable, it’s like playing whack-a-mole. You might find a sentence somewhere on the internet that makes you feel better for a while, but the mind will just latch on to another doubt and then you’re back in the rabbit hole trying to catch the fog again.

So step one is just noticing that you have a doubt.

Step 2: Accept That You Have the Doubt

Step two is accepting that you have the doubt. Now…I’m not saying accept the story behind the doubt, it’s much more about telling the truth about your current experience. For example:

"I accept that I have the doubt that my doctors might have missed something because my brain feels so broken."

"I accept that I have the doubt that I can ever truly recover."

"I accept that I have the doubt that there’s something different about me."

We’re just throwing it all there and being honest about what’s happening in your brain.

Now, you may feel a sense of relief from voicing the doubt, but if you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety, it might also feel a little scary to try and acknowledge a doubt without trying to fix it first. And that’s because doubt always comes with a story.

Step 3: Identify the Story Behind the Doubt

So step three is just identifying the story. And I use a finish the sentence exercise that anyone can do at home as a way to work through that.

So, what you want to do is grab a piece of paper and write: I have a doubt that ______________. And I believe that because ___________. I’ll link this up in the show notes as well.

For example, you write out:

I have the doubt that: I’ll never recover. And I believe that because I’ve read horror stories on the internet about people who haven’t recovered and I’ve had insomnia for so long.

So a couple of different stories going on there.

But this is how we understand the evidence the mind is holding to support the doubt so WE can decide how true it is for us.

The interesting thing about the brain is that it loves to cherry pick evidence that supports the doubt. It will conveniently ignore whatever progress you’ve made and find all kinds of reasons to dispute all the recovery stories out there in favor of the doubt.

That’s just what our brains do — no biggie.

So it’s not about battling the story or trying to get rid of the doubt — It’s more about seeing doubt for what it is and observing it without becoming it. At the end of the day, it’s just a story. And while those stories can feel incredibly real in the moment, once we start to see them for what they are, they begin to lose their grip.

Step 4: Accept the Doubt and Move On

The 4th and last step in this process is simply accepting that you have a doubt and moving on.

"I accept that I’m having this doubt and I’m just going to let it go."

"I accept that I’m having this doubt and I’m going to let it be there while I move forward."

You’re always welcome to use my personal go-to which is: “Isn’t it interesting that I have this doubt?”

So again, the recovery process isn’t about eliminating doubt, — it’s about changing how you relate to it… and moving on with your life anyway.

Closing Thoughts

I hope that makes sense, everyone.

Until next time, I’m Beth Kendall and you’ve been listening to the Mind. Body. Sleep. Podcast. Bye for now….